Albert Wesker, Can You Hear Me Now?

Posted by: D.C. Douglas on November 12, 2010 in Animation-Games, RE5 Fans, Voice Over

Alright! I give in! I’m not sure if it’s legal or not, but it will be our little secret. After a year of fans asking me to do their voicemail as Albert Wesker, I have come up with an idea: I will have you guys write the script, then anyone who wants it can download it as long as they promise to make a $5 donation (or more) to a charity of their choice (or explore micro-lending with Kiva!).

This is my way of thanking you guys for hanging around through all the political stuff. I appreciate it!

Here’s how it’s gonna work;

1. In the comments section below, write out a short voicemail script that can work for a guy or a girl. A generic message.

2. Now look at the others and vote up the ones you like (not your own).

3. At the end of November, I will select the top two (based on the votes and what tickles me). Also, one of the winners will also tell me what other scene in RE5 they would like an out-takes spoof done of. I will try to have it all done before Christmas.

Sound good? Cool… What are you waiting for? Write a voicemail script!

[These voicemails will be free and no permission is given to resell them. Charity donations are only requested. I cannot perform custom messages for a fee as I do not own the rights to the character. And I can't do them for free because I have a busy schedule.]

CONTEST IS OVER!

The Albert Wesker VoiceMail Greetings winners and their downloadable files are located here:
Albert Wesker Answers Your Phone For Charity

And the new parody video is here:
Albert Wesker Caught On Camera

About D.C. Douglas

D.C. Douglas is a voice actor and film / television / theatre character actor based in Los Angeles, California. He also dabbles in gadflyism during slow weeks. Leery member of Google +.

Mr. $miley

Greetings! Albert Wesker here. If you're getting this message that means the subject you are trying to reach is unavailable at the moment. While they enjoy their Jill Sandwich leave your contact information at the sound of the beep; otherwise prepare yourself for COMPLETE GLOBAL SATURATION.
- Lamont
  
  Thumbs up for you sir (Mr. $miley)!
  - Mr. $miley
    
    Thank you kindly.
J Wiley

I give a thumbs up to Mr.$miley's post, that rox. Ha ha.
- Mr. $miley
  
  Thank you so much. ^_^
Rowan

"This is Albert Wesker. I'm afraid that your friend is busy right now, being chosen by urobouros. If your friend is worthy, or if I decide to contact you too later, leave your name and message after the beep."
liroso

Bwana no home. [beep]
mitrooper

First off, I'd like something more along the lines of a ringtone. Perhaps an Irate wesker. Something like the character church in this rvb video. I know DC can make wesker all pissy. and what makes wesker more upset then waiting for something to answer their phone [youtube S_zOyQTuVPk http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_zOyQTuVPk youtube]
ilikebeingevil

Greetings, but alas, you were too late and have only reached the voice mail. Just leave your name and number after you've been given permission. I will then decide if it's worth my time to contact you.

(I would have loved to make a humorous part, but my message got too long)
glalbornoz

Thumbs up for this great idea! I need to get some inspiration for a worthy script. Sundays doesn't help much in that area…. lol!
WeskerCosplayer

Greetings, this is Albert Wesker. Either Chris has me busy away from home or I am out buying hair gel now. If you manage to contact me, I’m afraid that seven minutes is all I can spare to play with you in my busy schedule.

Just off the top of my head.
- Mr. $miley
  
  I like it. Gets my vote.
- JeDeB
  
  This one is Nott not the best.
Tiffany Lueck

I'm sorry, the number you are calling is no longer in service.
Cesar Andrade

Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss!!!!!!! Oh you're not Chris. Leave a message and prepare for complete global saturation. Or I might just get back yo you.
- Cesar Andrade
  
  Sorry. The yo at the end should be "to".
AvadaKenobi

Hello, there. I am Albert Wesker. The person you have dialed is currently busy, as they have been chosen as my new test subject. Leave your name and number at the tone. Should they survive, I shall have them return your call.
M-Greg

You have reached the dominion of Albert Wesker. I am regrettably unavailable at this time. If you are attempting to contact me regarding business affairs, please leave your own contact information and I shall rectify this moment of being away by reaching you at my earliest convenience. If you are calling this number in the hopes of having some prankish delight, I shall deal with you later, ignorant cretins! If you are an associate of the Umbrella Corporation, unfortunately, it's too late for you. You will not live to see the dawn…
http://www.bryzunovrokks.deviantart.com Aimee

Greetings, ignorant cretin. Your attempts of trying to reach me in my lair have failed miserably… poor performance indeed! But i suppose I should thank you for your effort, though it had been proved worthless. In less than five minutes, I will reach my house ensuring complete global anticipation for your call. Goodbye.
elliot

Hello, This is Albert Wesker. Your feeble attempts at contacting (name) have failed. It could be you are not worthy of his/her time or, he/she might not be at the optimal altitude for signal deployment. However (name) reserves…..the right…. not to call you. Now…Let's finish this, leave your message after the beep and prepare for, complete global saturation.
weskersgotslacks

You have reached Albert Wesker's new cell phone. If you're trying to contact this phone's previous owner, I'm delighted to infrom you that he "volunteered" for one of my experiments and produce satisfactory results. Regrettably, he has lost the ability to use a phone properly…and it was too nice of a phone to throw away. So, if you want to volunteer in my future experiments, leave your name and address. If not, prepare to be annihilated in 3…2…1…
Amanda

Hello dear heart you've really become quite an inconvenience for (insert name here) the chosen test subject for Uroboros. Now let's finish this, leave a message after the beep and prepare yourself for COMPLETE GLOBAL SATURATION. (evil chuckle)
Zak

Hello, you have reached Albert Wesker, I am currently out becoming a god, so I could not answer the phone. After the beep….The right to leave a message, that right is now yours.
Silvia Sturm

Albert Wesker here. So you think you can just call me when I'm not available? Poor performance indeed! As I already have your number, why not to leave a message as well – and I will get you back for this!
ztlfire

This is Albert Wesker. If you're listening to this; that means the republicans won and I am now delligently researching a new form of Orobouros. For it is only when they are in power can my kind of business boom. Business will be good and revenge will be sweet and soon you will all drop to your knees and worship me. Prepare yourselves for a rude awakening; Albert Wesker has returned….and he's brought sandwitches. Lots of pies too.
z.t.l.fire

Oh come on people! We've got to try and come up with new dialoge. No RE5 quotes! Meaning none of the cool crap, come up with our own shit. Beside Im not sure he's allowd to quote the game anymore. We dont want him getting into trouble. So think think think what would a sadistic naristic homicidal maniac said on his mail box.
- Mr. $miley
  
  He won't get in trouble for quoting things in the game. If that were the case he wouldn't be working on such awesome Wesker outtakes.
  
  However I would like to read up on other people's ideas whether they be original or use lines from Umbrella Chronicles or RE5. I think they're great and help put a stamp on the games he voiced for Albert Wesker. Keep em up guys! November is drawing to a close.
  - z.t.l.fire
    
    Good because it's really great what he's doing for all of us.
  - WeskerCosplayer
    
    I always thought replacing Wesker's comment on the Tyrant in UC with "The ultimate lifeform, Vagina. It's beautiful…" would be pretty damn funny in an outtakes spoof.
    - z.t.l.fire
      
      O_O ..-__- great now I can never NOT think that whenever I play that scene. That was funny though.
z.t.l.fire

You've reached Albert Wesker's mailbox. Leave your message and contact information at the sound of the peep; once I have determined you are an agreeable specimen for experimentation and worth my time, I will personally track you down- any attempt at evading would be illadvised. Otherwise my assistant will return your call. Be warned, your message will be the death of you.
Andy

Am I the only one that could die happy if it was an Old Spice spoof?
- Christine Wish
  
  No, you're not the only one. Wesker's certainly abtastic enough to carry his own Old Spice ad, so it works.
Silvia Sturm

Best original message I could come up with:

The person you wanted to call is not here.
I am Albert Wesker, and I'm not real.
Twice wrong in one minute!
Consider: Do you really want to embarras yourself a third time by leaving your name and a message? Well, you have been warned! [Beep]
mel

hahaha sing the chorus of the lady gaga song "telephone" in the voice of wesker. that would frickin' hilarious. lol
Riridono

7 minutes, thats all I can spare for you to leave a message.
But really if its going to be a seven minute long message, I don't want to hear it. I'm a very busy man. I have to kill ccchhhhhrrriissss, infect the world with Uroboros, go pick up the dry cleaning, and you know… bad guy stuff. So get on with it and leave your information! Oh I also have to got to the grocery store seeing as I require an egg…
BEEP( the beep should totally be Wesker screaming cccccccchhhhhaaaaarrrrrriiiiissssss)
mel

or "You have reached..what a minute, who gave you this number?! Chris gave you this number didn't he?! Chrisss…" *beep*
Tashona Jones

How, pleasant, you have somehow located my number. Seeing as you had the audacity to call me at such an hour, I will ignore you as I am to busy becoming a God! You will leave me your name, number, and the correct coordinates for an egg after the tone. If I locate the egg, I shall return your call. Maybe…
Elizabeth Stevenson

"This is Albert Wesker. You're little friend is not around at the moment….because I'm taking over the world. So when they're done collecting samples for me I'll have them get back to you. So leave your name, message, and of course a number."
- Elizabeth Stevenson
  
  sorry i forgot to add that i vote for z.t.l.fire's . i thought it was cute and clever x)
  - z.t.l.fire
    
    XD thankyou! *hug*
http://shiila.deviantart.com Laurel Coleman

This is Albert Wesker. I'm a little busy catching up with a relative of yours. Who knew that family reunions could be so fun? If you kindly leave your name, number, and classified location after the tone, I'll be sure to find you and get back to you rather quickly.
Lamont

Hm… Having a look back on here, shame to see people voting ones down instead of posting their own or just not voting at all.

Not exactly in the best sense of fairness sadly.
- Mr. $miley
  
  I agree. I'm voting up the negative ones because that's just kind of rude. Let's all have fun.
Lamont

Thank you for mentioning it D.C., glad you thought it wasn't exactly fair either.

Though, aside from that… good idea to bring in a charity donation into the mix too. ^^
z.t.l.fire

I could have swron I voted! I did vote at least three down but there was a gaga one I liked and Wcosplayer. I'll try again!
Ravenprincess

Hell I wish I could come up with some funny voicemail, but it's hard to be original and NOT rip off any of Wesker's previous lines…I do however know exactly what scene I would pick for the out-take spoof, tehehe! The shirtless scene shortly before the showdown is just BEGGING (!!) for it…ahhh, the possibilities…! ;D

Back to daydreaming. lol
Luisa Fernanda Martinez Vega

Great Idea D.C.! That's what we all been waiting for1 Hahaha. I just don't want you to get into a trouble for this (I hink it would be unfair for you, you're making happy many Wesker Fans!). As soon I came up with something clever and bad ass (as Wesker sayings used to be) I'll post it. And yes! Voting down is unfair, at least, people are trying to come up with original ideas.
http://kingdomofwrath.darkbb.com/ Tenmashu

(mocking tone) Good day…You have been redirected under the suspicion of working with the B.S.A.A. I ask for your co-operation and ask that you leave your information after the following beep. If you refuse to comply with my demands, you will simply become another specimen in my path to cleansing this world. *queue short evil laugh ;D*

(( The whole while listening to Wind of Madness while typing this. lol ))
- http://kingdomofwrath.darkbb.com/ Tenmashu
  
  Everything was fine up until "path to cleansing" it should read "path to cleanse". lol
Gretchen Wesker

i hope it's not to late to post my script!
I was not sure if i should say : my cellphone or from albert wesker so you can take the part you like!

script:
congratulation!
you reached my cellphone!
(you reached the cellphone of albert wesker.)
unfortunately i'm unavailable at the momant.
business keeps busy!
leave a message with your name and Social Security Number for identification.
catch you later (short break) in more than one way.(slightly sexy evil laugh hope you know what i mean )

please vote for me ^^
- Gretchen Wesker
  
  OMG! *_*
  I want to thank the people who have voted for me
  i dont know what to say….i love you all *_*
- T-Virus
  
  wow, ok um- not to be rude or anything but you really have to work on your spelling and your grammar. "catch you later" ??? that does NOT sound like Wesker. Wesker would rather beat the crap out of you than acknowledge that he left you alive to tell the tale of escaping from him. I really liked the "Leave a message iwth you name and social security number for identification." that was brilliant, but then you toss in "catch you later!" and "business keeps busy!" like he's some sort of jokester.
  D.C. you are free to do this one! go right on ahead and do it, but seriously. . .YOU know what kind of a character he is.
  
  That was my spiel. Sorry to be so rude just wanted to put that in there. Congrats on basically winning.
Steven

Teh Mr. $miley has mah vote!
- Mr. $miley
  
  Wow thank you so much. I mean it guys. I was a bit bummed seeing my votes go down again a little while ago (this time from 18 to 15), but posts like these really are encouraging. You guys rock!
  - WeskerCosplayer
    
    Of all the scripts(not including mine) yours is my favorite, Mr. $miley. I think that the problem with a lot of these scripts is that people didn't go for something short and simple.
http://www.dcdouglas.com/ D.C. Douglas

My God, so many to choose from!!! A week left!
Lauren

"Oh, I'm sorry. The owner of the number you're trying to reach is…ah, how should I put this. –They're detained right now. By detained, what I mean is they're currently being disemboweled by my newest experiment. I am *sure*, however, that if you leave a message….well, someone will get back to you. Eventually."
- gretchen
  
  love it !!!!!!
Elizabeth

DC I think at this point we'll be happy with ANYTHING you give us xD We love you after all lol and Wesker is hot no matter what he says lol.
http://mrsalbertwesker.tumblr.com B.O.W.

Is this thing on? *distance* EXCELLA! I told you I hate at&t!
*returns to phone greeting*
Greetings, you have reached Albert Wesker's cellular phone,
I am currently away on business, business that does not concern you!
if chris has given you this number, I will deal with you shortly.
If you are calling to confirm the date of launch for our final phase of the plan
please dial- *crash* EXCELLA! Do not touch that! *beep* GOD DAMN IT WOMAN!
*voice of in the distance* chriiiiiiiiiiiis!!! *beeps to hang up.*
- Chris Pecora
  
  Hahahaha that is hilarious!
- bingo
  
  *_* sweeeet!!!!!!
  - Yuri
    
    Hahaha! I totally want this one to win!
- mike m
  
  omfg this is hilarious! hahaha you just captured wesker in all of this.
- Hong Zhu
  
  I REALLY LIKE how you made him talk to Excella like she was a servant.
- Ashley Graham
  
  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! i would kill to have this as my answering machine! hahahahhahahahaha!
Rowan

Greetings. I'm sure you've by now realized that I am not who you were trying to contact. My name is Albert Wesker, and I am here to take your message, and should opportunity knock, pass it on. Record your message at the tone, the stakes are good, but your future hinges on this message.
Chris Pecora

This is Albert Wesker, the person you attempted to contact is no longer here. Unfortunately, its to late for you, seven minutes…seven minutes is all I can spare to…actually I only have a few seconds. Bring me a Jill Sandwich otherwise your feeble attempts will only delay the inevitable. And one more thing…CHRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! ! ! ! !
- B.O.W
  
  LOL nice!
http://residentevil.com.br Bruna

Hi, this is Albert Wesker, and you can leave your message after the complete global saturation.
Kristen

How about a ringtone. Something like 'Answer your phone, ignorant cretin!'
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=503116389 Garrett Brown

"Greetings. How nice of you to call this scientest of mine. Hmm Hmmmm Hmmmmmm! (Laughter) Unfortunately, its to late for you, you will not live to hear the person who your so eager to contact. My name is Albert Wesker, and as you waste your miere seconds solemnly awaiting an answer, you will only find yourself to receive a…"

(Then voicemail BEEPS for the person to leave a message.) =D
http://mrsalbertwesker.tumblr.com B.O.W.

I agree DC, you should do a ringtone to go along with it. If you're doing a voicemail do a ringtone as a bonus! something catchy.
Bea

I vote Lauren.
Mr. $miley

Mainly because DC was awesome in RE5 and his more memorable lines and scenes come from that game. But yeah, points to you for coming up with some fresh material based on another game he's done. Not RE1 mind you since that was another voice actor, but I trust you meant the mansion chapter of Umbrella Chronicles.
Steve

I Vote Garrett Brown!!!
Jason

I vote Garrett Brown 2!!!
Bruce

G Man Brown!!!
Chris

Garrett Brown has been a Resi fan since he was only 6 years old, from the start, he was drawn to the character, Albert Wesker as he did his signature move in the opening credits of slicking his hair back, and folding his arms like a total badass. Lol. Ever since then he has kept Wesker as his all time idol. Literally. I'm talking hair, the shades he wears out, everything. He then took it to a Theatrical level and pursued to help friends make Resident Evil parody movies, as well as role play as Wesker countless times, and write many scripts based upon Wesker. He def deserves to WIN!!! =D I vote the G MAN! XD

Heres a trailer for the parody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szVt7Ldxuuo
The full movie is here: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-76968656…

Albert Wesker, Can You Hear Me Now?

CONTEST IS OVER!

The Albert Wesker VoiceMail Greetings winners and their downloadable files are located here: Albert Wesker Answers Your Phone For Charity

And the new parody video is here: Albert Wesker Caught On Camera

About D.C. Douglas

Related Articles

The Albert Wesker VoiceMail Greetings winners and their downloadable files are located here:
Albert Wesker Answers Your Phone For Charity

And the new parody video is here:
Albert Wesker Caught On Camera