Storming The Castle Ad Nauseum

Storming The Castle Ad Nauseum

The Actor had been storming castles in Hollywood for over twenty years.  He had crossed many a moat and even made it inside the foyer every now and then.  Victory was always short-lived and he was usually killed.  Head on a pike.  Another career dry spell.

The Actor recently had been saved by a renaissance agent who called him on the telephone and acquired auditions for him.  It was a bizarre and new experience.  An experience The Actor was tempted to undermine by pretending he was only a “guest star” actor and refusing smaller roles.  The Agent laughed.  Hard.

“That’s so cute.” he said through a wry crinkle in his mouth, “but seriously, you wanna work, right?”

The Agent had a point.  The Actor’s resume was a list of dearly departed television shows.  Only one credit was still alive, yelling in a weak voice from the parchment that the actor hadn’t yet retired and, yes, his career was that slow.

The Actor needed to put on his pasties and start workin’ it.

The Actor arrived on the set of his third “no small parts only small actors” job he had booked through The Agent.  He was ready to feel like a glorified extra and had prepared a bitter attitude just for the occasion.  However, he was foiled at every turn by unrelenting nice people.

The show was called Castle and appeared on the alphabet network. Nathan Fillion was The Star and introduced himself with a handshake.  His hand was large, warm and engulfed The Actor’s hand.  The Star made eye contact and said, “I’m Nathan Filion.”

The Actor, still stuck within his “bitter-bit-player-for-a-day” scenario, just said “I know.”

“And you are?” The Star asked.

“Dammit,” thought The Actor, “he’s too damn nice!”

The Actor gave in.  He even began smiling at everyone.  He joked with the AD and the costumer.  He complimented The Guest Star on his acting.  When it was time to film his scene, the cameras were focused on The Stars first, then The Guest Star.  The Actor would be the last to be covered on camera.  But he didn’t mind.  Even though he had two lines, he would enjoy the rehearsal of them… Ad nauseum.  27 times to be exact.

The cameras finally turned to capture The Actor’s well-rehearsed lines.  The Director called action and The Actor burst into the room and uttered very authoritative gibberish.  27 times he had been perfect.  28th time?  Not so much.

“I like to save my mistakes for when they really count,” The Actor joked.  The Stars laughed.

As The Actor walked back to his dressing room he was surprised by a meandering thought in his mind…

It really doesn’t matter if I’m Gypsy Rose Lee or a chorus girl… I just like putting on the pasties…

It was a warm and comforting thought.  Like shaking hands with Nathan Fillion.

. . .

About D.C. Douglas

D.C. Douglas is a voice actor and film / television / theatre character actor based in Los Angeles, California. He also dabbles in gadflyism during slow weeks. Leery member of Google +.

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