We were not prepared for the media circus that would sprout up around a simple, straight forward press release within eight hours of it hitting the wires. Nor did we expect that most of the facts would get so distorted by a nasty blogosphere and then be amplified by the major media outlets. But these things happened.
And since the media didn’t do its homework and insisted over and over that “Lance Baxter” left the voicemail heard around the country, we have decided to acquiesce. Lance Baxter (who was a bit inebriated) and D.C. Douglas both agreed to sit down with The DCD Blog and discuss the recent media circus.
Blog: So, Lance, why did you make the phone call?
Lance: Because I was drunk, full of Socialist rage and wanted to make a booty call. But women hate me. So, I settled for Matt Kibbe.
DC: I made the call. I just used his name.
Lance: Thank God. I thought I had another blackout.
DC: Lance is actually a creation of mine – a character I developed for a film short –
Lance: I’m sitting right here, people.
DC: And then further developed for a cabaret act in 2005. His video, “Men Of The World” is on YouTube.
Lance: That’s where I sing about my penis, right?
Lance: I like that one.
Blog: Now, were you the voice of the GEICO gecko?
DC: No. And my apologies to that voice actor.
Blog: The “fifteen seconds ore more” announcer?
DC: No. And my apologies to that voice actor, as well.
DC: I was the announcer on the “celebrity” campaign. Two weeks ago I had recorded a new campaign for GEICO and the next day FreedomWorks attacked.
Lance: I think I was in Tijuana…
DC: Well, it seems to me it was a game of “telephone” where Huffington Post picked it up, but had one error in it (which they did correct later), then other blogs picked it up and reworded it to look like they actually did some muckraking, but ended up distorting more facts. Simultaneously, Matt Kibbe’s sensationalized account with blatant misinformation regarding my work with GEICO was forwarded to Dante’s Circle of Hate Blogs, which, in turn, distorted it further. By noon, it was unreliable enough for the FOX news room.
Blog: Speaking of which, FOX seemed to be the first ones to report it on air.
DC: Yeah, the “perky with a sneer” Megyn Kelley and Monica Crowly.
Lance: I smell AquaNet when I see them… Mmmmm.
DC: It was a “News Alert” – which should alert their viewers that Megyn Kelley is a little off-the-mark with what is important.
Blog: They weren’t very nice in their segment about you. They also repeated the distortion Matt Kibbe made about your GEICO work. And they didn’t include the fact that FreedomWorks posted your home phone number and encouraged harassment.
Lance: It’s high school all over again without tater-tots. Right?
DC: Uh, yeah, sort of. Essentially Matt Kibbe and FreedomWorks behaved like schoolyard bullies. Posting my home number online with the voicemail. Posting the illegally recorded follow-up call. Telling all their bully buddies to harass me and get me fired. So, Megyn Kelley and Monica Crowly were the equivalent of two high school cheerleaders gossiping about something they didn’t know much about. They completely neglected the FreedomWorks aspect. Either that, or they willfully held facts back. Lying by ommission. But, it’s FOX, and most people know they have a hard time finding their network motto from a hole in the ground.
Lance: Cheerleaders always hated me.
DC: Oh! But I noticed they edited out my phone number from the voicemail when they aired it. Even FOX found it unethical to go that far.
Blog: And then that night, MSNBC had a segment on Countdown.
DC: Yeah, after a roller coaster day, it was like getting a hug from a television show. And though I appreciated it, I wished they had focused on FreedomWorks and their dangerous tactics and not GEICO, which just made a quick business decision. FreedomWorks is playing around with McCarthy ideals. The media needs to call them out.
Lance: And kick they’re f%#$#@’ ass! Man, I gotta pee. Is there a bathroom around here?
DC: Hold it. Your bladder is fictional, anyway.
Lance: Says you.
Blog: Did you get a lot of hate email?
Lance: I did! I did! But I like hate email. Let’s me know they were touched by me. I’m not saying they’re “touched,” though.
Lance: I got even more angry email from Tea Baggers.
Blog: Tea Party members?
Lance: No! Real Tea Baggers. They thought it was an affront to connect the precious act of “dangling one’s testicles on a forehead” with what Matt Kibbe dangles on America’s forehead. I kinda felt bad for them. They have a point.
Blog: Well, you know you’ve hit the big top ceiling when Jon Stewart mocks you.
DC: He was mocking Lance.
Lance: Ha! You pulled a Kibbe!
DC: Yes, it was surreal. I love “The Daily Show” and his joke was spot-on. Unfortunately, it appeared they got their info from FOX News and a Washington Post article that neglected to focus on FreedomWorks posting of my phone number and suggestion to harass me and GEICO.
Lance: But that audience really dug your voicemail. Or was that my voicemail?
Blog: So, did your reason for going public about this ever get out there?
DC: Yes. I did an interview with Thomm Hartmann that I thought got many of the facts out there. And also… I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, but the “Geraldo At Large” interview also got much of my message out there. By the way, FreedomWorks tweeted that Matt was going to be “debating” me on Geraldo the day of the show when they knew that would not be happening. It was never even discussed. Geraldo’s producer was a bit miffed at that.
Blog: So, Lance and DC, where to from here?
Lance: I’m thinking of mounting another cabaret called, “My Life As A Gay Abortionist Immigrant” … It’s a working title. It’ll be about this whole affair. We might get Tom Wilkinson to play Dick Armey, but rumor has it he only takes on roles if he finds something he likes about the character. Kibbe will be played by a wet blanket.
DC: I’ve gotten an amazing amount of support this last week. My regular clients have all stood by me. And several folks seem to want me to keep going after Matt Kibbe and FreedomWorks over this – including Kibbe! I think Matt isn’t really taken seriously so he has to get his press where he can (which is why he lied about what I did for GEICO). That’s a problem, since he should be taken very seriously — FreedomWorks is a dangerous organization. It’s run by soulless operatives whipping up fringe elements to defeat whatever is on their corporate donors and GOP’s agenda. As I keep saying, how does harassing me help advance their goals of “less taxes, less government, more freedom?”
Lance: It’s not like we’ll see them fighting big government in Arizona over the new immigration law.
Blog: Wow. Good, Lance.
Lance: I’m sobering up.
DC: I could keep going after them, but it’s a game of whack-a-mole. Kibbe and Armey are like rodents. You may push them out of the Tea Bagger movement, allowing the real Tea Party (the pre-2009, inclusive Ron Paul inspired one that blamed the Republicans) to emerge. But Kibbe and Armey will show up somewhere else on America’s lawn.
Lance: Pooping out pellets of patriotism all over the place.
DC: So, like I told my good friend Geraldo, it’s up to the media to be the watchdog – to keep the light on the dark deeds of FreedomWorks. I’m a bit doubtful anyone but Rachel Maddow will do this, though.
Blog: So you’re not going to keep after them?
DC: Listen, the only reason anybody knows about this episode is because I decided to go public and it hit on a slow news day. But the media buried the lead. (Private citizen leaves a loaded question in a vm. FreedomWorks researches where he works then endeavors to get him fired.) Meanwhile, I need to actually live my life. I don’t want to roll around in the mud with Matt Kibbe every week. It’s his nature, not mine. All I know is that I can sleep much better at night knowing I didn’t roll over and play dead. I called out a McCarthy-Rove wannabe.
Blog: One last thing. Your Tea Bagger Boogie seems to be doing very well.
DC: Over 240,000 hits in a week. I have to thank Drudge Report and Breitbart for linking to it. They really helped push it out there. Now way more people have heard me call Matt Kibbe a “douche bag” than I could have dreamed of. They made me so happy!
Blog: Thank you both for your time.
Lance: Don’t leave! He’ll put me back in his brain! It’s like an Islamic Soviet Union Third Reich of Kenya in there!
Ladies and gentlemen… Lance Baxter:
For a follow-up to these events, see the viral PSA video finale
The events of April: