The Actor often tossed and turned at night. Sometimes from fruity martinis mixed with his middle-age acid-reflux, but usually from thoughts of death and the meaning of life. He found it difficult, in light of our sun’s inevitable demise, to see the point of it all.
But then he would toss and turn to the left and be consumed with thoughts of selling all his possessions and joining a world charity organization. He imagined traveling to foreign lands and helping the needy.
Then he would drift off to sleep and dream of ice cream and naked women.
One night, after seeing several stories on the evening news about the financial and natural calamities in the world, he decided to pin his hopes on a political powerhouse duo who could both save the needy and stop our sun from going supernova. That duo was Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann.
But fate is a cruel crack addict with an attitude problem and The Actor’s hopes were soon dashed by dashing cable news men who dismissed Sarah Palin’s 2012 run for the presidency as a dying possibility. The muckrakers turned their attention to a solo Michele Bachmann and began batting her around like “ratings hungry” cats would with a homophobic Tea Party dormouse.
“I cannot go back to sleepless nights of vurps and existential angst!” he exclaimed.
Determined not to let Anderson “The Silver Fox” Cooper and Lawrence O’Donnell’s amazing jawline oppress his beloved GOP base, he called upon his own substantial powers to turn the tide… by making an internet rock opera video extravaganza to draft Sarah Palin!
As he posted it to his self-serving-yet-cleverly-disguised-as-pithy blog, he had visions of people sending the link en masse to thousands upon thousands of like-minded conservatives, creating such a Breitbart-like commotion that Fox News would be compelled to broadcast it, thus garnering Sarah’s folksy-attention and inspiring her to announce to the world a Sarah Palin / Michele Bachman 2012 candidacy!
Would The Actor’s dream become a reality? Will thousands of viewers pass the video link to their friends? Will it become an internet viral hit rivaling all cute laughing babies and cluelessly racist sorority girls?
… Only you, the reader, can answer that question…